Sun - Mar 08, 2009 : 08:09 pm
Don't know how to feel
Ok, so all this crazy stuff has happend since my last blog! When I say crazy I mean un-believeable. I've felt every emotion from the worst of heart breaks to pure joy to all the sudden being swept off my feet by someone I never would've thought of. I learned NOT to hide my realtionships from my parents, that it's still lying if you hide the most immportant thing. I learned who my real friends are and more immportantly who their not!
So have I gotten you wondering yet? Now, where to start?!
So I had this boyfriend, that I kept a secret because I knew my "sister" Sara would not approve of him, because of the type of guy he is. But I kept him a secret because my family didn't like him, because well to be honest he's not the best guy in the world... Anyway, I let myself fall madly inlove with this guy and would've done anything for him ( which would have hurt me more in the end) we talked every day and now that it's over, I can honestly addimt that I lowered my standers to be with him! (Another stupid mistake, I've learned) About the time of our second month of being together I found out some things he had said to another about some imoral ( did I spell that right?) things he wanted from her. I found out a lot of other things and was very hurt by them. But wanting to be a good girlfriend I talked to him about it and let it go... Well he did somethings and got cought by police and was faced with jail time, I prayed a lot for him in the hopes that he wouldn't go to jail. Much to my suprise his court date came up and they didn't have the paper work together, so he had to wait another month!
Our three month date came up and I found out all the things he did with my "friend" when I wasn't around ( my "friend" was 3 year younger then him, which is very agenst the law) and of corse that hurt me so much that I cried everyday. But once again we talked it over and I was able to forgive him, then Valentines day came around and I was so excited because I've never had a good V-day and this was going to be my first.... Little did I know it would be my worst! I called him a few times and he didn't answer, red flages went up in mind right away. So I waited a few hours then called back, he answered and I asked him where he was because it was very quite over there, he told this other girls room... Long story short my heart was broken and I ended up hanging up on him and running out side to cry for the rest of the night.
A week or two had passed and I couldn't take teh pain anymore so I came clean to my mother and while I didn't get the trouble I thought I would, the thought of disapointing my parents as much as I did hurt more than any grounding could've! A few days after I told my family my ward had a dance and I invited a childhood friend who I went to church with a few years ago. He came and brought his brother and his brothers girlfriend ( also a good friend) and I told him about what had happend with me and this other guy, he let me cry on his shoulder and then we were able to enjoy the rest of the night.
I hadn't seen my old friends from my old ward in about five years, they had grown up so much! But we stayed after the dance and helped clean up so we could stay there and hang out a little while longer.
This friend of mine has always been one of my best friend sicne we were three years old! He's very easy for me to talk to and he's the perfect ideal gentalmen. I had never thought of him being anyting more then "just a friend" but after teh dance we went out on a date a few weeks later and had the best time ever. We even doubled with my parents ( which most teenagers woud've hated. But I'm not like most other teens) we enjoyed being around eachother and didn't want to night to end! We've talked every day since, and are planning our next date.
You know those lists you make in YW about wha tyou want your husband to be like? Well mine is not very big but my mother and Yw president said I had the immportant things. I took a pin and checked off everything that my friend was, out of 31 things on my list, he is 30 of them. Which everyone keeps telling is hard to find... I guess it is, I mean theres not very many people who are old fashioned in the ways I've looked for.
My mother told me that I should pray about my friend and make it one of "those" prayer, you know where you ask what you should do, if their the right person for this point in life. Well I did, and since then things keep pulling us together, and it's crazy to think of, but when I'm around him I can look at him... Now before you laugh, when I like a guy I don't know why, but I just can't look at him. I can't! He is a very nice looking person and has the greatest personalty, most immportant thing to him right now is getting ready for a mission!
I'm scared to get close to him, partly because of me getting my heart broken like I have, I mean my first boyfriend was LDS and did the same things my non-member bf and I'm scared it'll happen again. But also because I don't want to lose him! And manly because his mission is very very immportant and I don't want to get in the way of that! But still I'm falling in love with him and I'm scared. Even if he is the " one"
Pretty crazy right? That's not even close to the end of the story! Me and my so called friend who was with my boyfriend, hardly speak and when we do it's stuff like " How are you" "Fine You?" we don't really talk anymore. And not even her older sister blames me for not talking much. I want to be nice and all, but what kinda of friend knowingly gose and dose things like that with your boyfriend knowing you love him? Not a very good one if you ask me! As far as me and my ex-boyfriend, I still kinda want to be friends, but I don't want to get close enough to be hurt anymore. But on the bright side, I've learned so much from all of this! I've moved on and gotten on to bigger and better things in my life!
Your friend. ~Koyote
From A Wild Mind