Sun - Jun 16, 2002 : 11:00 pm
The day I asked for Sarah Young's Phone Number
Man alive... Girls can become a problem in one's life. I'm feeling a bit of stress in that well... Heck... I don't know how to explain it. There are girls coming at me from every angle. I've talked on the phone with Charlene now about 5 times and I enjoy talking with her quite a bit. Indeed, I do...
Today I asked for a girl's phone number - her name is Sarah Young and she gave it to me promptly. The only reason I asked her for it was A - she was cute, and seemed like a very sweet young lady and, B - I knew she wanted to go out with me, so I felt it was my duty to ask her for her number and call her up this next week... Just to give her (and me) a chance..
Man... I think I might be getting a little bit cocky about all of this, but I really can't tell. I guess if I remember that it's a privilege to go out with each and every one of them and I remember that they're all daughters of God, and I'm nothing more than a son of God - I'll be alright.
Today lesson was kind of weird, too. I forgot some of the stuff I had insinuated in my notes for the lesson, and I was stumbling over words like crazy. I know that the Lord works in mysterious ways, and maybe this is his way of keeping me humble. However, I prayed thoroughly for the welfare of all the people who would hear the Lord's message through me both yesterday and today while preparing. People also told me that the lesson was well prepared and they thought it was good afterwards, so.... I feel it was just a lesson on humility and trust / faith for me.
Man... Right now I have the opportunity to try to get into a relationship with 1,2,3,4,5,6 girls (who I can name and know they're interested in me)... And I'm scared of all of em'. It's driving me crazy. I don't want to get close to anyone, and I'm pretty sure it's because of the fear of the pain again. It's only been 7 months since I broke up with Steph, and quite frankly, I don't know if my heart could take the beating again....I just don't know. Just typing that scares me badly, and makes me never want to fall in love again. If it was only that once, with Stephani, that had hurt me - I don't think it would have had quite an impact on me, however... *every* *single* *girlfriend* I've ever had, to whom I thought I'd marry myself, has ended in a bitter disappointment - either on my side, or on theirs. I don't know if I can handle any more pain, and I don't know what's in God's plan for me right now. He might have 10 more years of heart-breaking in store for me.... But he might not. If he does, I know it's for my good - I know it. However, my heart SCREAMS at me when I even think of getting close to anyone else. Whether I know God wants the best for me or not, I still have to overcome the fear of pain - from my heart's point of view. That could take some time. Anyway...
This week I finished my website, and I've been working out bugs for the rest of the time. I'm gonna start thinking about a next project to do when I'm not working...either that- or work more and see if I can't get more sales to come in. I'll probably give selling in the morning another try....however, it usually is pretty fruitless. Talk to ya more later.