Fri - Oct 24, 2008 : 11:01 am
Decisions In Life
I've been pondering, and struggling somewhat, on how exactly to write what I'm going to write today - for quite some time.
Growing up, I was encompassed by stability. I had a stable religion which required us to attend meetings once per week, which we did religiously (pun intended). I had two parents who loved one another. My mom was always home when I needed her. My dad always made sure I had a roof over my head and food on the table. Life was just - stable.
The way my father chose to ensure this stability was to find himself a stable job which was sure to be around for a long, long time. He worked at the same job for right around 20 years (if I remember correctly).
For me, evidently, it's a different story.
When I became an adult and chose my profession (or rather, my profession chose me), it happened to be in a field which hasn't been the most stable. There is a lot of work, but not a lot of "let's work here for 20 years" type of work. It's more like, "Let's get a job here for a year, until something better comes along, or something else in my life changes".
Of course, there are pros and cons to both of these scenarios.
Another thing I have become increasingly aware of, is that human nature generally tends to shy away from risk, change, and uncertainty. In the case of my father, he chose a path that would provide absolute stability for his family, as much as he possibly could.
As I've grown up through the years, I'm getting to know myself better. I'm fairly sure that if I were to choose the path of least risk and most stability - I'd go downright insane.
In fact - I welcome change in my life. I'm cautious, but not to the point of not taking any risks.
This was proven by my making a decision about a year ago to jump into the real estate market. Anyone who knows anything about what has been going on in the economy for the past two years knows that at the time I purchased the home, the market was hopping like a sunburnt grasshopper. Homes were flipping like flap-jacks.
Now-a-days... Not so much.
All of the news and the nitty-gritty details of how the original plan to flip the house I bought wasn't going to work came crashing down on me about a month ago. So now, I own a house I cannot possibly pay for, and am in a sector of the market I never intended to be in - with the possibility of damaging my credit badly, and possibly losing my primary residence. Fun? Not so much. End of the world? Definitely not.
Through all of this, I've learned, and am learning, more about myself than I have in a long, long time.
I've never been in a position where the security of my wife and children were at risk. Therefore, I haven't really had a chance to know what they really mean to me. Sure, I love them, and want to protect them and keep them comfortable, etc... But I was never put in a position where any of that was challenged.
I found it interesting, although not surprising, that as soon as reality came at me, with only months to make decisions that could cause us to lose a lot of the material things we've gained in the past 5 years - as soon as that reality hit me...
...The only thing that mattered to me was keeping my family safe.
I didn't panic, I didn't want to run and hide, I didn't feel the need to scurry about trying to find someone else to blame, I found myself thinking, "What do I need to do to make sure my family is okay?" So... I calmed myself and prayed.
And from then on, through a lot of discussion, prayers, helpful hints from friends and family, and things just generally coming along when needed... It seems like things just might work out - possibly better than if we had not built the home in the first place.
When put in this clinch, I found myself turning to the source of help which has never faltered. I know God will help me, and we'll make it through this.
I find myself thinking about this situation's circumstances and results 5 years from now, focusing on that, and making decisions now which will help the best scenario come true.
The more I focus on that, the less panic I feel, the more comforted I become, and the more energy I'm able to throw at this little dilemma.
Anyway... I just thought I'd write down my thoughts and feelings concerning what's been going on in my life lately.
I also think it would be cool to keep a daily or weekly log on how I'm feeling about the whole thing, and progress that's been made. Not sure about that, though.
Anyway... That's enough rambling for now.
I'm also working on a new song. I don't expect much coming from it, but it's been fun diving into music again.