FROM A WILD MIND 2

I've been working on getting my inactive Laurels, trying to get them to come back to church.  Well I set up a class in my last BYC that I'd teach them all the Cha Cha on the 3 so I spent a lot of time getting ready, then once I had everything prepared I went to go have a tooth pulled and they used Latex! I don't do well at all with latex. So I had a bad reaction to that, then I was in a lot of pain from the tooth being pulled. I don't numb up easy so they gave me laughing gas, 6 shots. then I was getting numb.

I had to call my YW pres and tell her I was not going to be able to go, but I forgot to call my seminary teacher. I'm doing home study again this year and we meet once a week at church. But he had 4 kids not show ( I was one of the 4)  I feel so bad about it too! I mean, I tried to call him and tell I wa sorry, but he was not home! Of corse three of the inactive girls came too, so now I feel even worse about it!

Then on top of everything, my best has been blowing me off for about a month now. I called her the other day and she told me that her phone is for her boyfriend and two school friends, and I'm not to call. Then I opend a chat with her while she was online and she told me she had better things to do. So I'm trying not to let that hurt my feelings, I mean we just got back together in march thanks to my yw pres! But I don't understand, did I do something to mak her upset with me?

Also theres this boy who I really like, he's been all flirty with me and all sweet and everything. Then he askes me whats my ideal date..... I sent him a message and told him, then he askes " Did I ask you out?" then tells me that he just wanted to make sure he's not going crazy. IS there something wrong with me that makes people not want to be around me???????? Am I that much of a freak? I know I'm odd, because I love cars and I work with my hands a lot, I hunt and fish. I like getting dirty and I'm indian. I hate girly things and even being called a girly girl bugs the heck out of me. I don't wear makeup a lot and dislike skirts and dresses. So dose that make me a freak? I'm not going to change so that the world will like me, but I do want to know why they hate me so much!
It dose hurt always being unwanted!!! I've delt with that my whole life because of being Indian and having to live in the condistions I do. So many because I live in a trailer in the middle of no where and have a big family, maybe thats why.

Who knows..........

 

Maybe I'm just not meant to be liked.