Sun - Jul 21, 1996 : 09:15 pm
Well.. Yesterday, I rode home in an airplane for the whole day, but everything was cool.. I rode
by David and Sharon that have a 19 year old daughter, Mormon, and single. I didn't get her phone number
- just ask me why, I could kick myself. Anyway.. I listened to my music for most of the way home and just
enjoyed myself. I actually like flying, it's kinda cool.
When I got home, mom told me that Scott had called and Jared had called and all that stuff, so I
called him when I got home (after saying hi to Brandi next door cause it's her birthday). Scott wasn't home
and that just about killed me. Jared wasn't home either and that just burst my bubble. I went to bed and
was getting ready to pray when I heard a knock at my window and sure enough, it was Scott. So I got
dressed again and went out and talked to him awhile and then told my parents that we were going to go
over to his house and so we did. When we got over there, he talked and talked and talked and talked.
It was cool and everything, but I was DYING inside to talk to him about what had happened with Nikki
'n' stuff. So I got frustrated because he never even asked how things were, or anything. I just talked and
acted like I was having a good time and stuff, but soon I told him that I was tired, which I was, and so I
could go home. So I came home and had a very nice prayer and went to sleep and dreamt stuff I would
rather not talk about. It was about 1:00am when I came home and got to bed.
Now a little for today. I woke up at around 8:20a and had a nice prayer and got ready to go to
Scott's homecoming! I was genuinely excited about the whole thing, and I was pumped to hear him talk.
We got there and we sang and I heard his brother Brett talk, then I heard Carol, his mom, talk, then
I heard Norm, his dad, give a WONDERFUL talk. Norm's talk was just great.. I sucked it all up. He
talked about putting true faith in the doctrine of Christ even when things go totally opposite of what we think
is right. That was good. But even better was Scott's talk!! He was just rad. Anyway, he talked a lot
about his mission 'n' stuff and also about the Spirit. He made a lot of emphasis on the Spirit. It was cool.
Anyway, then we went to all the classes with Jared Peck and Tim Stokes, which was cool.. I loved the
Priesthood class there. We talked about secularism and the prophecies of today. Anyway... We then went
over to Scott's house and just bummed around with everyone. It was cool cause Jared, Scott, and I just
talked about South America and everything was just rad. I was enjoying myself. A lot of girls came in and
talked with us 'n' stuff.. I liked it. So.... As time went on, I went over to Jared's house and won Descent
2 times, which Jared couldn't do (evil grin), and then Scott came over to see what the heck I was doing,
so we went back over to his house, then we went down to Salt Lake to get some stuff for Jared's dad, in
his sports car (I drove home, it was cool!!). Then we went back over to Scott's house and that's when we
both got bored, he got a little bit angry at his little brother and things just weren't working out right, so I
decided to come home and write things down in my journal after having a nice reading of Alma 32 about
Alma preaching to the poor people and about Humility and repentance and mercy, just a bunch of good
stuff.. Now I think I'm going to call ... to call... heck now I can't even remember her name. uhhh.. Nancy,
no.. Lori, no.. Hold on - I'll go get her name. Just a se...(this makes me sick) It's Lisa... Lisa Lisa Lisa Lisa
Lisa Lisa Lisa Lisa Lisa. There, I feel better now. Scott just called me and we're gonna go do something
tomorrow. I hope it's productive. Now, then, while I'm waiting for him to call me so I can call Lisa, I'm
gonna write some more.
Lately, after the little incident with Nikki, I have found that my feelings aren't so easily expressed
anymore. I have closed myself up a lot more than I usually do. Heck I haven't talked to anyone about the
way I feel truly, since I was in Boston. I've just got a LOT of feelings inside that had better be vented soon,
or I'll go insane. I feel a lot more careful about who I let in my shell now. I can get hurt, a thing which I
probably thought was impossible before my mission, and it hurt bad when I realized all that Nikki has put
my through. I can't hate her, ever. I won't let myself, but if I did, I could hate her with a very pure hate.
But it was just a learning experience, and I've got to make myself believe that. I can't talk to her, and I
really don't have a very strong urge to talk to her, other than just to say "I forgive you for what you did, but
I still need time to think things over." But I doubt that I could say that and hang up, so I won't risk it. I'll
just wait and wait and wait somemore. We'll see what Lisa has to say, I'll go call her now, I'm sick of
waiting for Scott to call. See ya!!!!!